Soft Starts Create Soft Landings

When You’re Married but Alone
A reframe for women who feel invisible in their own marriage.

Margie wrote: “My husband refuses to go anywhere with me, rarely wants intimacy, doesn’t help around the house, and seems uninterested in spending time together. I feel like a single wife doing everything. I’m lonely and tired. What should I do?”

Let’s cut through the noise with one powerful truth: You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for the bare minimum of a partnership.

Matthew Hussey teaches that healthy relationships run on two engines: Effort and Intentionality.
When either one disappears, the relationship eases into roommate mode.

Right now, you are doing all the emotional heavy lifting. Your husband is doing the bare minimum to maintain a household, not a relationship.

But here is the game-changing reframe: You don’t rebuild connection by begging for effort from someone who’s switched into autopilot. You rebuild it by changing the tone of the invitation.

Instead of: “Why don’t you ever do anything with me?”
Try: “Hey, sharing something together matters to me. I miss feeling close.
Would you be open to one small thing we can do together this week?”

That’s it. No pressure. No long speech. No accusation. Just a clear expression of your standard and an easy entry point.

If he says no to every small moment of connection you offer, you’re learning something important about the relationship.

And if he says yes, even once, you’re lighting the spark that relationships rebuild themselves from.

What you want isn’t unreasonable. It’s necessary. And convincing the right partner doesn’t have to make you feel guilty for needing connection; eventually, they’ll feel grateful you’re trying.

🌿 Perspectives is a weekly reflection by Johnny Lascha, Relationship Coach at RelationshipVoice.com & Moderator of the Marriage Support Group. He helps deeply caring women who’ve lost their voice in their relationships find the clarity, confidence, and communication tools to feel heard, valued, and emotionally safe again. Learn more or schedule a free communication breakthrough session at RelationshipVoice.com.