When You Don’t Know What to Do Next

There’s a moment in almost every long-term relationship when one partner quietly whispers to themselves, “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

It’s not usually said in anger. It’s said in fatigue. After years of trying to fix, explain, or make sense of something that once felt effortless. The love is still there, but it’s buried under layers of sameness, silence, or survival mode.

I’ve been married 37 years, and I’ve been in that place more than once. I used to think the answer was to do more, talk more, plan more, work harder to fix the cracks. But over time I learned that the real turning point wasn’t about doing more. It was about seeing differently.

When a marriage feels stuck, what’s missing isn’t usually love, it’s curiosity.
Somewhere along the way, we stop looking at our partner with wonder.
We stop asking questions.
We assume we already know the answers.

But curiosity is the bridge back to connection.

When you pause long enough to breathe, to listen, and to ask, “Can you help me understand what’s been hardest for you lately?”, the walls start to soften. Not because everything’s solved, but because you’ve shifted from defending your position to discovering theirs.

Sometimes “I don’t know what to do” really means “I’m ready to see this differently.”

So if you find yourself in that fog, don’t rush to fix it.
Instead, try asking:

What might change if I stopped trying to be right, and started trying to be curious?

🌿 Perspectives is a weekly reflection by Johnny Lascha, Relationship Coach at RelationshipVoice.com & Moderator of the Marriage Support Group. He helps deeply caring women who’ve lost their voice in their relationships find the clarity, confidence, and communication tools to feel heard, valued, and emotionally safe again. Learn more or schedule a free communication breakthrough session at RelationshipVoice.com.